An Old Piece of Chain Mail...That I Still Love.

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that its sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pin hole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was E. Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound that a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
9. McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the ground like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when Jeopardy comes on at 7:00pm instead of 7:30.
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 36mph.
14. John and Mary had never met, they were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
15. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
16. The plan was simple, like my brother in law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
17. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating from not eating for a while.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
21. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
22. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
23.It hurt, the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

And a random funny/stupid quote:
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."